I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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