The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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