I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
