I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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