He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
