and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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