almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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