So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
