my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
