There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
