Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
