She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
