i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
