right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
