what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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