just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
