sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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