Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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