i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
