Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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