Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
