You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
did you just send me my own nude
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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