me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize