Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
