Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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