How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
