Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
