the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
