hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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