I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
