fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize