im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
