Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize