Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
