You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im six kinds of drunk right now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
