When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
