Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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