I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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