I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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