There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
