you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
