There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
