I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
