well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
