he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize