a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
