i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
