Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
