"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
