This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
