My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize