Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
