That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
