I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
