saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
