Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
