the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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