The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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