I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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