I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
