we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
