im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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