the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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