I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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