I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
