if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
