We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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