Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
