Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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