i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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