Michael Bay diarrhea
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
