I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
