my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
