i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
