Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize