a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
