Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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