tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
