im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
