we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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