Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
