i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
