Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Text me some of your sweat
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