At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
