dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
