I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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