Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
