the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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