4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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