I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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