Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
