it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize