Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
