I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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