I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
