wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
