you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
