he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
