The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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