i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
