I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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