you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
