Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
