dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
