got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
