i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
