its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
