LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have fence marks all over my body
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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