no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
