I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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