In the future we'll all be gay
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ugly people sure do ruin things
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
