I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
