How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
